Seizing a unique opportunity, Candace and Riley decided to reach out to Whoopi Goldberg during her time on “The View.”With a hint of skepticism, Candace remarked, “She hates everything. I highly doubt she’ll even take our call.” True to predictions, Whoopi declined to engage in a conversation with the two rising stars directly, opting instead to relay her message through her producers. She declared, “There’s no space for extremists on ‘The View,’ and that stance will never change.”

Ironically, considering Whoopi’s own inclination towards extremism, the situation brimmed with palpable irony. In response, Candace defiantly raised a massive sign featuring a “laugh-react” symbol, while she and Riley indulged in three minutes of light-hearted mockery, particularly targeting Whoopi’s hair. The episode is set to air upon the show’s return in the fall.

When approached for comment, Whoopi Goldberg decline public interview. Instead, she dispatched yet another cease and desist letter, imploring us to refrain from featuring her in such stories.

“Please, I’m begging you,” her letter pleaded, “Find someone else. Anyone else. I’m tired of facing termination or cancellation every other day. Move on to any other individual. Literally. Take Joy, for Christ’s sake. Nobody will miss her.”

Regrettably, Joy falls far short of capturing the same level of attention as Whoopi does. Mere discussions about her dreadlocks alone consume a staggering 14 percent of the internet’s collective memory. NOTE: This is borrowed satire